


A Lovely Disaster

by yukishiido



Category: Young Avengers
Genre: Epistolary, M/M, image intensive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 04:59:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/635365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukishiido/pseuds/yukishiido
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Billy and Teddy finally go through with their wedding, and the world reacts. A story told through new media.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Lovely Disaster

 

 

"Babe, have you seen my tie?"

"You're wearing it, Teddy."

"Oh."

"And your cufflinks are already on your shirt."

"I'm still missing something."

"Your pants are on."

Teddy laughed, turning away from the mirror to look at his boyfriend, the _gorgeous_ Billy Kaplan. They stood in their Upper East Side apartment, taking the last steps to dress for their second interview of the day. The news of their wedding had spread like wildfire thanks to their revelation as the leaders of the Young Avengers, and media outlets were lined up to talk to them: Ellen, The Today Show, Jay Leno, even FOX. You name it, they wanted in on the 25-year-olds' plans.

"I _meant_ a kiss," Teddy responded, pulling Billy in and pressing their lips together. "Much better," he breathed, pulling away. "Calmed me down."

"You nervous?"

"The Earth's most well-known gay superheroes getting gay-married and talking about it on live television? No reason to be nervous about, gay-Billy, not at all! I'm just fine."

"You just used "gay" about a billion times."

"Only three."

"You guys need to be out here in five," came a voice from the door--the media director for CNN. Billy nodded at her and turned back to face Teddy, his smile fading when he realized how tightly-clenched his boyfriend's--no, his fiancee. God, his _fiance_. Teddy's knuckles were white, and the fact pulled Billy back to reality.

Tapping Teddy on the shoulder gently, he spoke. "You're horny."

"I'm the opposite of horny, Bee, I'm actually really limp right now and we need to go." The words jumbled from Teddy's mouth in a rush, his tongue tripping over itself as his nerves bubbled to the surface. "Why did we decide to do this in our living room? You vacuumed, right? Oh, no, I hope I dusted the television, we can't be broadcast with _dust_ on our TV, I--"

"No, I meant you're _actually_ horny. You're losing control." Billy rubbed his hand over Teddy's forehead, a quick row of several horns in succession beginning to sprout and stain the skin there green. "No shapeshifting on live TV, okay? I like you the way you are, you know that. I _love_ the way you are. Even if changing your body can be fun sometimes."

"You really know how to make a guy feel better."

"I'll _make_ you feel better after we're done today."

"Deal."

"Hoo boy. We got Westboro on our ass?" Teddy lay on the bed, bare-chested, arm slung around Billy. He tugged the sheets up as he shifted, bare legs entangled with the other man's.

"You've got _someone_ on your ass."

"Again, Bee? You're eager tonight."

"I just figure we should get Westboro angrier and have some fun while doing it."

"You killed it."

"What?"

"Do you really think _Westboro_ would get me hard?"

"No, but _I_ can."

"What if I want to stay chaste before my honeymoon?"

Billy snorted, sitting up. The cold bedroom air made him hiss as a draft flowed over his chest, and he immediately dove back under the blankets. "You're anything but chaste, babe."

"I figure we should at least _try_ and act like a pre-wedding couple."

"Thou Shalt Not Sleep With Their Boyfriend Before Marriage? That rule's kind of shot."

Laughing, Teddy pulled Billy in close and kissed him. "Good point. Why don't you show me just how much fun married life will be?"

 

 

 

"Billy, are you reading news on your phone?" Guilty, Billy shoved his phone back into his pocket surreptitiously; his smirk, however, remained firmly on his face. "You're at the table. It's dinnertime. Put it away. Studies show overuse of those machines can cause brain tumors, you know. And I read an article about a woman who took time off from work due to therapy for her tumor, but they fired her and she couldn't get work again. I don't want you to wind up like her."

Jeff Kaplan coughed quickly, interrupting his wife. "Pass the peas, dear."

"You don't need to change the subject, Jeffrey, I'm just looking out for our son. Even if he can stand up against cancer, it's not healthy for him to be so involved in all this media messing about his wedding. He needs a calm, healthy environment where he knows we support him and his relationship, otherwise his marriage might fail."

"Mom? Ted and I are right here."

"Yes, I know. Eat your potatoes."

 

"They're outside _again_ ," Billy hissed as he slammed the door behind him, arms laden with grocery bags. "Mom said they got to my brothers at school. At _school_ , can you believe it? They don't even know anything _about_ the wedding except that they have to wear suits and they hate suits but no, the paparrazi even went to them and--"

"You're blabbering."

"--of _course_ I'm blabbering, T, they tracked down my brothers in their _high school_."

"So? They can handle themselves."

"I know, but I really, really wanted this to be a quiet wedding. Just you and me and our family and friends, you know? Instead we have this huge blitz--it's worse than any of Britney Spears' marriages!"

"You're so gay. I hope you know that."

Billy slumped against the door, setting his shopping down. "Shut up."

"Your favorite movie is a musical. You're so, _so_ gay."

"You liked having my dick in you last night. You're every bit as gay."

"Raunchy."

"Stop it--this is serious! I'm just glad we have the catering sorted out, because if I have to deal with one more thing I'm going to--"

"Breathe, Bee."

"I _am_ breathing. Look. In, out. In, out. God, all we need now is another alien in--"

Before the words even left his mouth, the apartment began to rumble around them. The tinkling of glasses hitting each other sounded from the cabinet, and Teddy stood from the couch and crossed to Billy, standing protectively in front of him. Gripping his fiancee's arm, Billy straightened himself and hissed, "If that's your family, they're finding a _hotel_."

As he said so, the rumbling stopped, and they heard a knock at the door. With a heavy sigh, Billy lifted the grocery bags and magicked them to the counter. He turned to see Teddy open the door onto a regal-looking alien.

"I cannot kill you without starting another war with those filthy Kree," Dorrek said furiously by way of greeting.

"I'll call Iron Man," Billy said, resigned.

 

 

"No, Joey, don't climb on the alien." Jeff Kaplan was beside himself--photogs were outside the Kaplan home night and day, and Rebecca was busying herself trying to cook dinner for not only her own family but for the motley crew of aliens that had gathered in her living room. Meanwhile, Joey--Billy's newest baby brother--had occupied his time by deciding that Dorrek VII was his new chewtoy.

Luckily, the Skrull didn't seem to mind. "Puny human has good taste," he grumbled. "Skrull are superior."

"Dorrek, please, sit down." Billy smiled tightly, setting plates on the table. "Mom said dinner will be ready soon, and it's the _least_ we could do to thank you for coming across the galaxy." He shot a glare at Teddy, who shrugged in response, his message clear: _It's not_ my _fault my family decided to come!_

"The woman who sired my grandson's mate is worthy of respect," the alien stated, settling down into the wooden chair. It creaked with his weight, and Billy cringed, hoping that it wouldn't break. "Humans may be worthless, but those who can pair with the Skrull are less so."

"Bee, can we open a window? It's stuffy in here," Teddy said, crossing the room to embrace his soon-to-be husband.

"If you even _touch_ it, Theodore Altman, I'll throw you out it," Mrs. Kaplan said from the kitchen, brandishing a spatula. "I dusted it _just this morning."_

"Yeah, I agree with her, babe. If we open it then the paparrazi will find _some_ way to get pictures. I swear they all have superpowers."

"Could you just wish for them to go away?"

"With my luck they'd wind up somewhere in the multiverse."

Laden with a large bowl of mashed potatoes, Billy's eldest brother entered the dining room. "Please magic them away, Billy. They tried to interview me in the _bathroom_ at school yesterday."

"I can't control them!"

"You have _magic_."

"Yes, but they're paparrazi. They're worse than cockroaches." As if in agreement, a flash came from outside the window--furious, Teddy dashed over and stuck out his middle finger at the photog who'd managed to lift a _jet pack_ from god-knew-where before shutting the blinds.

"I'll be glad when this is over," he sighed.

"Remind me to never get married." The door slammed shut behind Tommy as he sped in, skidding to a stop just in front of Teddy. "Because I don't want mine to be anywhere _near_ as awful as this."

"It's not _bad_ ," Teddy protested, taking a step away from the speedster and tripping onto the couch. "It's just... complicated."

"That's the understatement of the year. I'm glad I skipped dinner, though seeing Granny Magneto trying not to kill Dorrek would have been the best thing."

"Wanda was furious," Billy ventured, shutting the fridge. "She almost teleported you in."

"You would've all seen my naughty bits."

"That's gross."

"You know you want to."

"I'm your _twin_."

"I bet mine's bigger."

" _You're_ gross."

"Wait, they're not the same size?" Teddy cut in.

"I'm _not_ talking about this," Billy responded.

"Fine, then. Your rehearsal dinner. What could go wrong there?"

"Don't say that, Tommy, or you _know_ something will happen."

"Exactly, little bro."

 

 

"Dorrek, _put that chair down_. Magneto was trying to compliment you. I swear to god if you throw that--" Billy cut off as the folding chair flipped through the air, stopped midflight by his grandfather, who promptly flung it right back at the Skrull. "Oh, come on, Grandpa, you're _better_ than that!"

The dinner was an absolute _disaster_. Photographers were everywhere, Dorrek hated the food, Mrs. Kaplan was screaming at the rest of the Kaplan boys, and Teddy was busy wrestling the _new_ Skrull Empress to the ground before she could pound Joey into mush for throwing his peas at her. Tommy, meanwhile, was running in circles trying to pick up every last bit of trash; it was uncharacteristically nice of the speedster, until Billy realized that he was really digging a moat to set on fire.

"Tommy, don't you _dare_ set that ring on fire, we're not in the Hunger Games--"

"Could--" Zip. "--have--" Zip. Billy was getting dizzy just watching his twin. "--fooled me!"

"Wanda, a little help here?"

The Scarlet Witch was busy herself, magicking every bit of the food the middle Kaplan boys were throwing away before they could cause _more_ trouble. "I'm afraid I can't do anything right now, Billy."

"At least say something to Erik! He's _your_ fath--oh god, Pietro, don't encourage Tommy!"

The only word Billy could use to describe the evening in Central Park was "clusterfuck."

"IwantthistostopIwantthistostopIwantthistostopMAKETHEMGOTOMARSMAKETHEMGOTOMARSMAKETHEM--"

Shuddering, Billy blinked, and his feet lifted from the ground. Teddy turned to watch him, eyes widening as he sprouted wings and let go of the Empress with a shout of "Billy, stop!"

And then Wiccan flung out his arms, suddenly in-costume, and with a flash of blue light and a loud WHAM!, Central Park was empty. He settled down onto the ground, blinked again, and realized what he'd done. "Shit. IwantthemtohaveairIwantthemtohaveairIwantthemtohaveair..."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Credits:  
> Icons for users avengersfanpls, jumper2049, junie13, mishacollinslovesdick, ilovefaggotry, tomorrowiwilldie, escapist20482, spoopyshit-- http://one-xed.livejournal.com  
> Icons for users billykaplansbiggestfan, bedcocks-and-broomdicks-- http://www.cafepress.com/niftetees/1410713  
> Icon for user superzero-- http://leighs-lair.livejournal.com/51797.html?view=768853#t768853  
> Icon for user nottodaycap-- http://blogs.babble.com/family-style/2011/05/23/memorial-day-amazing-american-flag-images/  
> Icon for user captainamerica-- http://equanimousicons.livejournal.com/30706.html?view=756466#t756466  
> Queer Dollar Bill: http://irregulartimes.com/index.php/archives/2006/12/19/three-dollar-protest/  
> Picture of Wiccan from Marvel Wiki.  
> Aliens in Manhattan (BBC Article)--  
> http://www.theblaze.com/stories/see-a-space-ship-fly-over-manhattan-and-its-not-a-ufo/
> 
>  
> 
> If anybody wants a text-only version, feel free to message me and I'll create one!


End file.
